its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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