New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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