He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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