We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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