You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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