And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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