Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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