C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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