i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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