So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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