ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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