apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your penis caused this!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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