If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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