If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
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I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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