you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
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Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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