What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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