ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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