If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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