My sheets look like a crime scene.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize