Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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