Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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