Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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