so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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