after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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