how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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