Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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