So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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