my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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