she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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