So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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