Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
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I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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