marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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