I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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