also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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