im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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