I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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