i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
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If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize