meet me or not, i'm out of control
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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