lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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