just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize