her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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