I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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