My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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