Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
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Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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