I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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