Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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