I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize