I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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