Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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