He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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